Monthly Archives: December 2011

The mokong year that was 2011

Let’s stop for a while, look back and listen mokongly to the stories of 2011 and we’ll see na maraming kamokongan took place that made our light moments satisfactorily, exemplary, extra ordinary and funny.

I picked some of them based on my mokong  judgement. Here they are in no particular order.

I invoke my right to self incrimination

Actually “I invoke my right to self incrimination” is my quote of the year.  Try using this to people who ask you questions you don’t want to answer and you’ll definitely piss the person out.

There was this student who answered the same during a recitation exam and he succeeded in getting the reply he deserves.

And remember to do it unli.

PNoy’s lovelife

News worthy ang dating, especially when he compared it to coke lights.  Besides media na affected by this one liner of his, the coke competitor pepsi was also pushed to resbak by launching it’s own advertisement that went something like “turn your Zero lovelife to Maxx.  I heard Pepsi even considered getting GMA to deliver their version but they changed their mind.  Imagine GMA saying “turn your zero lovelife to maxx,” with braces in her neck.

Because of this PNoy has earned the respect of Boy Pick-up and he definitely showed the mokong republic that he deserves to be our mokong president.

Queen of pick up lines

Hindi naman nagpatalo ang ating Senadora.  She stole the mokong limelight from PNoy’s one-liner when she answered back with lots of pick-up lines every time she delivers her speech in almost all occasions.

Because of this, Party Clowns and Comedians feared that they have to change their gimmicks before they have their jobs enforcedly disappeared. They considered running for Senator this coming election or for President.  Imagine Miting De Abanse will no longer be as boring as usual.  We’ll have politicos throwing pick up lines to each other instead of muds and blackprops.

Mokong Candidate1: Presidente ka ba?
Mokong Candidate2: Hindi. Baket?
Mokong Candidate1: Zero kasi  lovelife mo e.

Now that Senator Defensor has been chosen as ICC judge, will she still bring her pick-up lines with her?

GMA’s Mug Shot

According to GMA detractors, Karma has brought upon her what she deserves. Although it came a little late, at least It came before 2011 ends.

According to her supporters, if this is karma, then PNoy will have his karma too. And include De Lima.
Oo nga no, following this logic, mokong din pala ang karma. Ang basurang itinapon mo ay babalik din sa ‘yo.   Kaya pala nakakarma tayo, kasi we get who we vote for.

GMA arrest was like a circus in town.  A circus in NAIA to be exact. GMA camp tried to win sympathy by pushing it so hard for GMA to fly out of the country for medication purposes.  Complete with costumes and props, the scene in the airport became media ops.  Even her mugshot became one of the most talked about mokong photos of 2011.

In her room in Veterans Hospital, there was a mokong info na she planned to do planking to protest for her arrest kaya lang she was not allowed to have communications gadgets inside, na sana she will use to post her photos sa FB niya.

Vote for your Mokong Photo of the Year,

GMA Mugshot or  Philippine Volcano

Palaparan fears for his life

Bida naman ang kontradiksiyon sa mga nangyari kay Palparan. Like the hunter became the hunted.
Palparan should have been out of the country before Lacson and Ramona Revilla.  Hindi na tuloy siya nakalusot sa airport.

Palparan should have won the election e di sana may immunity siya.

Palparan shoul have seen this coming e di sana nakapaghanda siya.

He should have listened to GMAnetwork’s campaign “Magplano, Magsiguro, Makibalita, I’m Ready”.
Palparan feared for his life, meaning insecure? So thats the reason why he had a security agency as his business.

He tried them all but he failed except for his alleged expertise that is making people involuntarily disappeared. He applied this to himself. But he wants it this way unlike Karen and the other alleged victims.
He’s not a butcher. Sabi nga ng kanyang mga Military supporters. This made me recall a famous line in a movie.  The title: Minsan may isang Gamul-gamol. And the lead actor will be a retired General saying,  “Our brother is not a butcher!”
Palaparan fears for his life. Kaya pala there are allegations why he kills people he suspect of being enemies of the state, kesa naman maunahan siya.

What’s the best mokong way to escape prosecution?

Lucio Tan

2011 was like hell both for PALEA members, PAL owner Lucio Tan and PAL customers.

Lucio Tan was complaining that because of the workers’ protest his PALdong bulsa was affected very much.  PALEA members were saying that Tan was lying, according to them PALdo pa rin siya with his other businesses unlike the workers na wala nang naPALang mabuti sa kanya.

The public was divided into whose side to go with.  Sino nga ba ang problema?

SC spokesperson gender in question

Nang gawing issue ang gender ni SC spokesperson Midas Marques,  nagpista ang mga mokong. As if they have been waiting for this to compete with Piolo Pascual. Hahaha!

Does being gay matter to be the SC spokesperson?


Wanted Lolong and other crocs

Let me reveal another Mokong Leaks.  According to an A1 information by our mokong informant working with the administration, there is a secret operation called “OPLAN CROC 2011” that aims to capture all the crocs in the country by hook or by crock in 2011.

Be the first to see the poster that the government supposed to release this year but they decided to keep it confidential. Again this is an A1 Mokong Info.

So who’s your Mokong of the Year for 2011? cast your votes now!

Mokong Banat and Pick-up lines 2011

Usong uso ang pamatay na pick-up lines nitong 2011.  Kaya naman sumubok ang ilang mga Mokong at Mokang to draft their own bilang pamaskong handog…eto ang Mokong banat and pick-up lines, one more time…

Mokang: (to Palparan) Lakwatsero ka ba?
Palparan: Bakit? Kasi hanggang sa panaginip mo nakakarating ako.
Mokang: Hindi. Hindi ka kasi mahuli-huli e.

Rights groups: (to Palparan) Sana ulan ka at lupa na lang ako.
Palparan: Bakit? Para kahit gaano kalakas ang patak ko, sa iyo pa rin ang bagsak ko? Hehehe.
Rights groups: Hindi. Para kahit makatakas ka at makalipad, sa kin pa rin ang bagsak mo at nang mapakulong kita. Hehehe!

Palparan: Hindi naman ako tubig. Pero bakit sila uhaw sa ‘kin?
Mokong: Hindi kami uhaw sa ‘yo. Uhaw kami sa hustisya!

Mokong: (to PNoy)May kakambal ka ba?
PNoy: Wala. Bakit? Kasi I’m in your heart, yet I’m in your mind.
Mokong: Buti na lang wala kang kakambal. Hahaha!

Biktima ng Sendong: (to illegal loggers) Maghanda ka na ng salbabida…
Illegal loggers: Kasi lulunurin mo ako sa pagmamahal mo.
Biktima ng Sendong: Hindi. Lulunurin kita sa baha!

Biktima: (to all greedy businessmen) Bagyo ka ba?
Greedy: Bakit?
Biktima: Kasi the moment you left my area of responsibility,
You leave my life in the state of calamity

Mokang: (to PNoy) Tuwid na daan ka ba?
PNoy: Oo naman. Kaya nga diretso tayo sa pag-unlad at pagbabago.
Mokang: Oo nga tuwid na daan na may flash flood ng problema.

PALEA: (to Lucio Tan) Para kang tindero ng sigarilyo…
Lucio Tan: Bakit? I give you “HOPE”
PALEA: Hindi. You are our misFORTUNE

Biktima ng HRVs: (to GMA) Lumiliit ka yata?
GMA: Bakit? Dati kasi lampas ulo mo ko, ngayon nasa puso mo na ko?
Biktima: Hindi. Dati hindi ka maikulong, ngayon ang dali mong pagkasyahin sa kulungan.

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A Mother’s Appeal

December 5, 2011

Mga Kababayan,

God’s blessings to you! This is a mother’s appeal for your compassion to help her win her son’s life and his freedom.

My name is Letty Lanuza, the mother of  Rodelio “Dondon” Lanuza, who is in prison in Saudi Arabia under a sentence of death by beheading (Lord, spare him!) since 2000.

Please believe me when I say that the death of a Saudi caused by my son was accidental.
Since 2000, my tears have flowed and my heart has been broken but my prayers to God are unceasing.

God has answered my prayers when in February 2011, through the effort of the Philippine Embassy in Riyadh and other Members of the Reconciliation Committee, the aggrieved family agreed to forgive Dondon.

However, as is the custom in Saudi Arabia, in exchange for Dondon’s life and freedom, they demanded  ”blood money.” As of this writing, our family had raised P570,000.

A group of big-hearted members of the Filipino business community in the Philippines led by Filipino American leader, Loida Nicolas Lewis, have offered to match your kind donation dollar for dollar.

We do not have the luxury of time. In less than three months (February 2012), it would be one year since they forgave and required the blood money equivalent. If by then we are not able to come up with an amount that will satisfy them, it may mean the withdrawal of their forgiveness and hasten the death of Dondon. (Lord, spare him!)

May I ask you to please open your hearts and help me to save the life of my son, an OFW who is unjustly imprisoned in Saudi Arabia. Your donation of $100 will be matched with another $100 by the group of Filipino Philanthropists led by Mrs. Lewis. We will be forever grateful for any amount that you can donate, which will likewise be matched dollar for dollar by them.

Donations may be sent through any of Metrobank’s overseas branches and international offices free of charge. For those who wish to send their donations through any of Metrobank’s remittance correspondents worldwide, the bank has agreed to waive all Metrobank related charges.

Please click here to begin sending your donations now. You can also help us by spreading the word about my son, and lifting up prayers for his immediate release.

Thank you so much, and may God reward your kindness!



For inquiries, you can reach us via email at: (Letty Lanuza) or (Loida Nicolas Lewis)

[Isyung HR] Metro Mokong Film Festival

Metro Mokong Film Festival
December 19, 2011 Isyung HR

Napuna lang ng mokong kong isip, pwede pala talagang magsama ang showbiz at pulitika. The world of politics is indeed a stage. Kaya naman kung magkakaroon ng Metro Mokong Film Festival, try mo to…

Illegal logging, sinisi ni Sec Paje ng DENR sa flashflood sa CDO.

Paano kung tanungin siya ng mga biktima nang ganito…

Biktima: “Once, Twice, Three times? Gaano kadalas ang ganitong trahedya?”

Sec. Raje: “I don’t know! I’ve lost track! Masyado nang madami.”

Original from the movie Gaano Kadalas ang Minsan?
Hilda Koronel: “Once, Twice, Three times? Gaano kadalas ang minsan?”
Dindo Fernando: “I don’t know! I’ve lost track!”

Mokong: At di ba sounds family? Let’s see…

Susan: “She stole the presidency not once, but twice!”
GMA: “I don’t know I’ve lost track! Hehehe.”

How about this line of Ms. Nora Aunor to Miguel Rodriguez in the movie “I Can’t Stop Loving You”
Nora: “Ito ang tandaan mo Jeffrey Carbonell, babalik ako sa itaas at pag nasa itaas na ako, duduraan kita!”

E kung ito ang linya sa isip ni GMA na sana ay ipupost niya sa FB o kaya sa twitter kaya lang hindi siya allowed to use any communications gadgets inside detention.

GMA: “Ito ang tandaan mo Leila, babalik ako sa itaas at pag nasa itaas na ako, duduraan kita!”

Leila: “Ganun ba. Bweno bawal ka na ring pumanhik sa bubong. And mabuti na lang hindi kita pinayagang makasakay ng eroplano dahil kung nagkataon baka makadura ka sa ere.”

E sa isang pelikula ni Sharon Cuneta, ito ang batuhan ng linya…

Chanda Romero: Hoy babae, hindi pa tayo tapos!
Sharon Cuneta: Kung saan, kailan, at sa paanong paraan. Magpasabi ka lang, hindi kita uurungan.

Now, imagine GMA telling this to De Lima…

GMA: “Hoy babae, hindi pa tayo tapos!”
De Lima: Kung saan, kailan, at sa paanong paraan. Magpasabi ka lang, hindi kita uurungan.

Mokong: O di ba firmed at consistent pa rin si DOJ Sec.

In the original Maricel Soriano to Snooky Serna heated scene in “Inagaw Mo Ang Lahat Sa Akin”

“Ikaw ang matalino! Ikaw ang maganda! Ikaw ang mahal ng itay! Malandi! Haliparot! Inagaw mo ang lahat sa akin! Lahaaaatt!!”

Kung ito ang mensahe ni SC Chief Justice Corona kay PNoy na ipapadeliver niya kay SC spokesperson Marquez? Pwede…

“Ikaw ang matalino! Ikaw ang maganda! Ikaw ang mahal ng itay! Malandi! Haliparot! Inagaw mo ang lahat sa akin! Lahaaaatt!!”

Pero kung si GMA ang magmemensahe nito, her spokesperson would deliver it more effective and convincing. D ba?

Naimagine ko rin na during ng arrest ni GMA ay katulad ng mga linyang ito ang banatan…

In the movie Butch Belgica:
Villain 1: (sumisigaw sa baba) – ” Bumaba ka dito Butch! Papatayin kita hayup ka! “
Butch: (kumakain sa 2nd floor) – ” Sandali lang! Kumakain pa ko! “

Katulad ng linya ni Maricel Soriano to Eddie Gutierez in “Ikaw Pa Lang Ang Minahal”

“Sa puso nanggagaling ang pagpapatawad, wala akong puso, nagmana ako sayo.”

Paano kaya kung GMA to FPJ in “Ikaw pala ang nahalal”

GMA: “I am sorry.”
FPJ: “Sa puso nanggagaling ang pagpapatawad, wala akong puso, nagmana ako sayo. And nakalimutan mo na ba, I’m dead.”

In a FPJ movie “Sa yo ang tondo, kanya ang cavite” he goes…

“Kung sa Cavite hinde ka nagsisimba. Sa Tondo, Pasisimba kitang may bulak sa ilong..” –

FPJ: “Kung sa Cavite hinde ka nagsisimba. Sa Veterans, Pasisimba kitang may bulak sa ilong..”
GMA: “Ganun ba. Buti na lang bawal ako kahit sa chapel. Hehehe!”

In a Lorna Tolentino and Alice Dixson movie “Nagbabagang Luha”

Alice: “Mamamatay ako, Ate, pag kinuha mo sa akin si Alex!”
Lorna: “Ipalilibing kita.”
Alice: “Ate, please!”
Lorna: “Nung inagaw mo sa ’kin si… muntik na rin akong mamatay. Puwes, ikaw naman ngayon ang mamatay!”

Paano kaya kung Erap and GMA movie ito? “Nagbabagang Muta”

GMA: “Mamamatay ako, Kuya, pag kinuha nila sa akin ang aking Freedom!”
ERAP: “Ipalilibing kita.”
GMA: “Kuya, please!”
ERAP: “Nung inagaw mo sa ’kin ang aking freedom… muntik na rin akong mamatay. Puwes, ikaw naman ngayon ang mamatay!”

Finally in a Rico Yan and Claudine Baretto movie “GOT TO BELIEVE”

GMA version…